Time to get Edward laid.

Cm punk: So a recap of last time. We...
Emmett: Shut up! We are using this episode to talk about a serious cause.
Cm Punk: What cause?
Emmett: Edwards virginity.
Cm Punk: He does have a child.
Alice: Nope Bella cheated on him with a mountain lion. Nessie is part mountain lion.
Rosalie: Yup now back to the topic at hand. Edwards virginity is no laughing matter. We must get him laid.
Nessie: What do you mean I'm part lion?
Bella: We must get Edweirdo laid! With a blond whore.
Alice: Like Rosalie?
Rosalie: Bitch better run!
Alice: It was worth it.
Jasper: Head for the emo cave!!
Alice: Where's that?!?!?!?

ALBINO INVASION

MEG GIRY IS INVADING.....



Meg-Oh...my...God. You. Are. Are...Are...

Emmett-A glittering fairy princess?

Meg-EDWARD FREAKING CULLEN!!!! *Faint*

Edward-....WTF is this?

Meg-*pops awake* I'M MEG GIRY! I LUUUURRRVVVSSSSS YOU!! WILL YOU BITE ME?!?

Edward-...For real? You want me to bite you?

Meg-PLLLEASSSEEEE!!

Edward-....You little hoe.

Meg-...I'll be your hoe. *googly eyes*

Edward-*sigh*Yeah...B*tch, I'll bite you-

Meg-SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*faint*

Edward-*shrugs, leans in for bite*

Nessa-NOT MY ALBINO YOU BITCH!! *Takes wooden stake and drives it into his heart*

Edward-*stares, pulls out wood* My heart doesn't work, stupid.

Nessa-You sparkly, b*tch, who you calling stupid? I'll mess you up!!

Meg-*wakes up* DID HE BITE ME??! AM I DEAD??!! IS THIS HEAVEN? AM I IMMORTAL?! CAN I HAVE YOUR BABIES?!

Nessa-Meg?

Meg-Yeah?

Nessa-Shut up.

Meg-Okay...

Finally Nessarose has come back to............Blogger!!!!!

On with the show!!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------Alice: As you all know we left off wit..

Emmett: Screw flashbacks!! I'mma do ma sexxxyy dance!!!!!! (proceeds with terrifying dance)

Punk:Dear god my eyes have been freakin eye raped.

Edward: STOP DAMN IT!!!! My daughter is freakin fetal positioned crying!!

Bella: Noooooooooo that's you......

Edwierd: Shut up Bitch!!!

Everyone else: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bella: That's it Rose hold ma earrings!!!!!!!

Proceeds with balls being ripped off of Edward

 

Cm Punk: Damn you make Aj look like a freaking sane person.

 

Bella: Hey Jacob want a chew toy???

 

Jacob: OKAY!!!!!

 

Jasper: I think we all agree that men everywhere should be feeling Edwierdo's pain about now......

 

Emmett: You mean............Edqueerdo is a guy??????????????????????????????

 

Alice: Totally!!

 

CM Punk: Het Ally-Cat want to go make our own little vamp?

 

Alice: Oh you know it!!

 

Nessie: Shudder!!

 

Jasper: Its okay Nesbit.

-----------------------------------------------------------I know it short but I have to read for Honors English.

Nessarose Naked

HA-HA I tricked you all! Sorry It's been so long but ehh you just want to see the story.
-----------------------------------------------------------Jasper-OMG What is it with everyone being a better vampire than me!!!!!!!!!(Gah quit channeling megs pinkie, pinkie!!! STOP) 
CM Punk-Whats his problemo?
Alice- You and Bella just behave to damn well for god damned vampies. Thats all.
Nessa- I have to go after him!(Runs off)
Edweirdo-I'll chase down her hormonal ass.
Bella-Anyway we'll hust leave you and Alice alone for know so she can help you adjust.
Emmett-Adjust.........right(wink,wink)
Rose-I'm sorry about the jackass I call my husband Mr. Brooks.
Alice- Why are you being so nice?
Rose- He didn't ask to be changed and neither did I so we can bond over that.
CM Punk-Ooookaaayyyy?
Alice-Come on Phil lets gooooooooo(damn pinkie!)
CM Punk-I don't want to! I want to go home to Selene damn it.
Alice-Does fussy baby want to lay down?
Punk-Yes fucking baby does!
-----------------------------------------------------------HHRA- Well too much?Too little? Or just right? Hit this and our other pages up baby!!(I will kill you meggela pinkie disease!)

I'm so sorry!!!!!

I'm so sorry I was gone but school and external factors had me busy. But I'm back in black and i hit the sack. Sorry I've been listening to AC-DC. Anyways on with the story. 
--------------------------------------------CM Punk: Anyways after I was attacked by goldy locks I ran back behind the pretty brunette who brought me here.
Bella: Hello we can all here what you are saying.
CM Punk: They all apper to have super hearing I must investigate.
Alice: Hello again we can here you.
CM Punk:I haven't said anything yet?
Rosalie: ALICE shut up before I rip your unbreathing throat out!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CM Punk: You're all high on drugs! Tha
t's it isn't it?
Nessie: No we're vamps/ Me, my boyfriend Jazz, Alice, my mom  who you met Bella, My dad Edward, and my grandparents carlisle and esme, ohh and my aunt and uncle rosalie and emmett.
CM Punk: Shit....aki mushrooms! You're all insane! And You're polluting this young child. I'm taking her for her own good!
---The HHMA has decided to cut out this very disturbing and very rated r (heh heh irony) scene so bear with. this takes place after carnage.

Carlisle: GREAT MY F------ CHILDREN HAVE F------ BIT ANOTHER F------ PERSON AND CHANGED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
Esme: CARLISLE Language!!!!!!!
CM Punk:SCREAM SCREAM AND MORE SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rose: Shut up!!!
Nessie: Auntie Rose don't be so mean!!
Bella" Well I say we make him a member of our family.
Rose: Never we are too big as it is, we have no room!!!!!!!!
Nessie: But can't you see Punk is Alice's mate?
Everybody: HUH??????!
Ness: You can see it in their eyes.
Alice: Hun we've only known each other for 3 hours.
Ness: It's in his eyes. He likes you.
Alice: Again threeeeeeee hours.
Cm Punk: SCREAM SCREAM AND MORE GOD-DARNED SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alice: How much longer????!
Carlisle: ITs been 10 minutes since he was bit Alice.
Alice: Then why are his eyelids fluttering?
HHMA: The camera swoops in dramatically as Cm Punk's eyes open.
Esme: We're still here.
HHMA:Die vamp you ruined my dramtic ending.
(Esme drops screaming into a pile of ash.)
Carlisle: You die BIATCH!!!!!!!!!
--Scene arupts into frantic high pitched water battle-----
HHMA: That's right!!! FEAR WATER!!!




Shout out to Demy. THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!!!!
Also shout out to ma Wheatleys out there!!!!!

CM Punk meets Alice

CM Punk: Welcome I'm the best in the world and I approve this message.

----------------------------------------------------------Alice:Hey does anybody know who tattoey in the living room is?

CM Punk: I have a name midget and who are you to be talking considering the pile of beef man who met me at the door. He makes Mark and Big Show look like Johnny Boy's lady parts.

Alice:Bells do you think you help me. I need some height on my side.

Bella: Consider this pay back for barbie Bella. Alice this is CM Punk. He's a wrestler off WWE.

Alice: But Bella he scares me. You wouldn't abandon me here would you?

HHMA:But I would!!! (cackles like yackle)

Alice: But wh.....(is suddenly kissed by CM Punk and starts kissing him back)

Jasper: Sweet Sister Maria (lunges at CM Punk)

----------------------------------------------------------Anyways what do you think for my return post?

I'm sorry

I'm back!!!!! I know it's been a long time since I posted.But I am back and alive and ready to take this on.Without further ado "Carlisle" omg.

Esme Oh my god what is wrong with her Carlisle?

Carlisle: she was bitten by a werewolf she is now a werewolf,simple logic.


Rory Lorialie Bell:Welcome Welcome one and all I'm Rory the amazing.I have a vampire brother and I refuse to become one "mumble stupid shiny ass vamps mumble mumble"I am married to James Sirius Potter and Have one kid named Lizzy Merinda Potter. My sister for all intents and purposes is....

Sabrina Ariel Montecu: She is I. I'm married to Albus Potter and have twins named Ginny Ariel Potter and Claire Rose Potter.

Carlisle:Would you shut the fudge up!

Esme: Carlisle be nice to our guests from Harry Potter!

Rory:Yeah we can beat u up b****es!

Sabby: f*** you carpoop!

Carlisle: Huh?

Rory+Sabby:F*** YOU!


And a happy new year well that ends this chapter btw Rory is a friend that I promised could have a reaccuring role so look forward to more rory madness btw if you didnt understand carlisle was being sarcastic with esme and ness is now a werewolf.